When Brett and I talk about things like travel plans or our finances, we approach the task from very different places. Brett has a very right-brain, visual way of seeing things. That is, he learns, understands and/or retains thing when he can see them, and does even better when they’re not just words or numbers on a page but arranged in a meaningful and engaging way. He’s also a vertical thinker, and deals best with one task at a time. These traits were a good match for his professional duties of writer and illustrator, but not so good when we need to talk about financial stuff or we’re planning something.
On the other hand, I am a very left-brain, analytical thinker and do best when I hear things laid out or see items written succinctly on a page. I am also a horizontal thinker, meaning I can be working on and/or juggling many duties at the same time and keep everything up in the air, which is the reason I take care of tasks like budgeting, travel planning, shopping lists and menu planning. Brett says that whenever I try to talk about these things with him I am “talking in spreadsheets,” and that he quickly loses where I’m at or what I’m talking about because he’s not able to visualize it.
One year, when the amount of a bonus he would receive was revealed, and after I realized there would be enough for both Christmas presents, debt repayment, and savings, I sat down and went over our current financial plan and thought about whether there was a better or faster way we could pay down our debt and save for a future vacation. After crunching the numbers for a couple of days I came up with what I thought might be the best way to accomplish both goals. I tried to talk about my idea with Brett but all I got back was “you’re talking in spreadsheets again.”
So, I made a coffee date and put together a sheet for him outlining the debt repayment path we were currently on along with a second way I thought might work better and help us accomplish our financial goals more quickly. I used colors, an interesting font, and different sizes of print to hopefully make the information more interesting for him to look at and easier to remember. I purposely didn’t mention that I was doing this until we were at the coffee shop and had time to sit together and go over everything.
It’s always been a boost for both of us to find out we’re on the same page, whether that’s our finances, our dreams, or things we need to accomplish, even if we do approach those things differently. As we went over the information I had put together on that sheet in more detail Brett took notes and offered ideas or asked for more explanation. As usual, we eventually came together on what we wanted to accomplish even if we approached the process for getting there in different ways.
Creating a visually appealing and easy-to-follow outline still helps me explain my thinking more clearly to Brett, as well as keeps us on the same page with our finances and goals and how we plan to get there. I still tend toward “talking in spreadsheets” when I get excited about an idea, but am better these days about getting things written down for Brett to let him know what I’m thinking about, and to get feedback and input from him.
Once a plan gets put into action though, it’s passed over to Brett. He’s our logistical wizard. He loves keeping daily figures and tracking how we’re doing, something that’s can be excruciatingly boring for me, and he makes sure we meet our deadlines. We make a good team, and we’re glad to have figured out a great way to stay on the same page to reach our goals.
9 thoughts on “On the Same Page”
It’s such a good feeling to be on the same page. I like your thoughts on the subject.
We’ve had over 42 years to figure out how to do this – it wasn’t always easy because we approach tasks and learning from different directions. Patience really has been a virtue, for both of us!
I really appreciate this post. What great partners you two make! Keep on keepin’ on and have fun on your travels!
Thank you! We are very different people, with different interests and different ways of approaching tasks, goals, and so forth, but we’ve figured out how to work together. We’ve always agreed on the big stuff though, which has made getting on the same page much, much easier.
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You’re so welcome. My partner and I are similar. I love how he and I can embrace the differences and make it work! Agreeing on the big stuff is definitely important. Stay safe on your travels!
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Being on the same page is so important. I have learned over the years that I am also a horizontal thinker and need to explain my ideas one at a time when DH is not doing something else. And I need to listen with patience – not my strong suit. Doing this allowed us to avoid many arguments. 😊 A lifetime of learning.
Until we got this figured out I went through a long period where I just couldn’t figure out why Brett got so impatient when I tried to lay things out for him, or explain things. Learning to be patient, and figure out a way that worked for him took a while but, you’re right, it’s been a lifetime of learning for both of us.
I always say work toward your strengths in a partnership. It makes for a good team. My husband is very analytical, but I feel I have the gift of administration. I like making budgets ( I am a natural born frugalista!), lists, keeping up with my old school day timer/planner , planning menus, home projects, Christmas etc. In other words, I do like organizing the details that keep our home humming. My husband is very happy to turn this over to me, but, of course, we confer often!
Your strengths sound very similar to mine, more on the organizational and planning side. Brett’s play more to the administrative and logistical side of things. I think it’s one reasons our travels came off as well as they did – between the two of us nothing really fell through the cracks.
Brett and I also talk frequently about what’s going on but a lot of the time these days we know what the other is thinking and doing, and that things are going to be taken care of. He still has the power to surprise me though – it’s another aspect that has kept our marriage happily chugging along for nearly 42 years!
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