We typically begin to plan for Christmas in September, and this year we were thinking we’d have a small, relaxed Christmas, celebrating with just our son and family while the girls gathered in Massachusetts.
Those plans didn’t even last until the end of the month! Meiling called us during the last week of September to let us know that while she and her husband were going to spend the actual holiday with his family in Oregon, they were going to stop over in Tennessee and spend three days with us on their way. They will arrive on the 19 and depart on the 23rd and stay with us in the apartment while they’re here (which is why we bought a sleeper sofa!).
A couple of hours later we received a message from WenYu: Can YaYu and I come and spend Christmas with you too? Of course! we said, knowing it would be very “cozy” in the apartment for a couple of days with everyone here.
Brett and I spent an afternoon thinking and worrying about how we’d fit everyone into our tiny apartment but eventually came up with a plan: we will leave the apartment to the girls (and Kaipo) at night and stay in a nearby hotel (with free breakfast) for the time they’re all here, sort of a staycation.
I told the girls I am putting them in charge of the food preparation this year, but there will be nothing fancy or extravagant going on like last year. We’re sticking to frugal family favorites this time around. YaYu will be our chef de cuisine and is already looking forward to cooking for all of us.
Presents will also not be as extravagant as they were last year.
Brett and I are beyond thrilled that the girls will be coming to Tennessee. We love that our entire family will be together again, even if just for a few days. We were especially moved by the girls being unable to imagine us not being together for Christmas, even if just for a few days.
There’s a miscellaneous file on my computer where I store a few files, some odd pieces of paperwork, and the occasional photo, family or otherwise, that comes my way and catches my attention in a special way.
I was cleaning out the folder the other day (there was paperwork there from w-a-y back I don’t need any more), and as I went through the photos, some made me smile, others made wistful, a couple made me laugh out loud, but I knew why I kept each one of them.
If this was all you knew of me, what would you think?
Although I save all year for holiday gifts and goings-on, September is the month when things really kick into gear and I start to firm up what I’m going to get everyone and start planning everything else. Although we are not going to have a big family gathering like we did last year, there will still be gifts to buy and send, and other planning to do. Meiling has already sent out her annual Secret Santa sign-up list.
Trader Joe’s is going to play a big role this year when it comes to gifts from us. I asked the girls when we were together in Vermont how they would feel about getting food and/or gift cards from TJ’s, and all said those would be very welcome. So, each girl will be receiving a box filled with a few of their particular preferences and a gift card to do their own shopping.
The grandkids are always easy to shop for, and I already have some ideas ready to go for them. Our son and M will require a bit more thought however. The air fryer we gave them last year was a hit, but as of now I have no idea which direction to go this year. Maybe they’ll get something from Trader Joe’s as well.
Brett and I again do not plan to exchange gifts. There is really nothing either of us needs or wants, and we currently have no desire to accumulate more. Our lists for others to shop from will be kept simple as well.
Depending on whether we’ll gather at our apartment or at our daughter-in-law’s for Christmas will determine how much of the cooking I’ll be doing this year. Thankfully it won’t be anywhere near as involved or expensive as it was last year, something I’m honestly happy about.
Anyway, overall it’s going to be an easier and less stressful holiday season for us in 2023, a good thing as I know it’s going to be beyond crazy whenever I’m at Trader Joe’s – I’ve been warned!
Today marks the one year anniversary of our arrival in Tennessee. This past year has had its ups and downs, but mostly it’s felt like the slowest year I can remember in recent times. Time has slowed to a crawl for us.
Of course time moves at the same pace as always, but I think the biggest reason it feels like it’s just dragging right now is because this is not where we really want to be. We are happy to be helping our our son’s family, and grateful for the time we have with them and the memories we are making with our grandchildren, but location-wise wish we were somewhere else. Tennessee just hasn’t felt like home to us.
Always the glass half-full girl, I try to focus on the positive:
We’re saving here. We incurred quite a bit of up-front expense relocating, but it’s paid off or getting paid off and we are saving otherwise. We’re not in the lowest cost of living area of Nashville (Brentwood/Franklin), but it definitely costs less than living on Kaua’i.
I have a great job. I don’t think I ever would have ever thought to apply to work at Trader Joe’s anywhere else, or apply for a job at all, but I’m having the time of my life working there.
I’ve been able to scratch my Civil War history itch in Tennessee and there’s more to come: we still have Chattanooga and Vicksburg to visit.
Fall is glorious here. It’s always been my favorite season, and I’m happy to be able to experience it again, from changing leaves to wearing sweaters to cooking hearty dishes. (Winter and summer here, not so much).
Brett and I are getting lots of quality time. We’ve always been close, but we feel closer here (maybe because we’d both rather be someplace else?). We’ve found our groove as grandparents, workers, and partners. We still haven’t run out of things to talk about, enjoy each other’s company, and we’re always planning and dreaming of our future together.
We still have two more years to go in Tennessee. We initially thought it would be just a two-year stay, but M feels that she needs an extra year in her position to truly accomplish anything and make a difference. So, we agreed to stay for a third year. The way we see it, it’s more time with our grandchildren, more time to save, and more time to get ready for our next big adventure.
I still hope the sense of time speeds up a bit though.
We arrived at the farm in Vermont yesterday afternoon after three semi-long days of driving. We lucked out with good weather and easy driving conditions on the way up: no traffic, Brett’s sister L was able to stay right with us the whole way, and comfortable places to stay each night. We got off to a late start because Brett had to run out and buy a second cooler to get all the cold food packed (we gave it to Meiling and K as another wedding gift) but eventually we got ourselves ready to go.
Kaipo has been a great traveler! He slept in my arms the whole way up which could be tiring, but mostly because he’s so small it wasn’t much of an issue. He just didn’t want to be anywhere else. We stopped fairly frequently for him to get out and walk, relieve himself, and drink, and he’s thankfully eating well (we brought his dishes from home along). He’s having a wonderful time with all the family.
The Airbnb in Pennsylvania was very comfortable and we got a great rest.
Our hotel in Roanoke the first night was okay (good breakfast though!), but Kaipo thought he’d hit the jackpot! We’d take him outside to walk but he wanted to be inside and prance down the halls so would drag us back the minute we got outside. Our second night was spent in a comfortable house in Clifford Township, Pennsylvania – it was a great choice over a hotel.
The Green Mountains of Vermont – what a view!
Vermont is beautiful, and the farm we’re at for the wedding is nothing short of gorgeous. It’s a perfect location for our entire family to gather and a beautiful site for a wedding. All of the food made it up here except for a couple of things that had to be tossed in Roanoke because the refrigerator in our room didn’t work (!!) and the ice didn’t freeze. With help last night I got the appetizers served, dinner on the table, and the breakfast casseroles made for today. There are two kitchens here which make things a bit easier, but it still requires about four of us to pull things together for everyone (and someone is always washing dishes even though there’s a dishwasher).
The view from the farmhouse living room. The whole property is amazing. There are bears around though . . . .
Although we had budgeted $75/day for eating, we spent just under $70 total for food on our trip up to Vermont! Breakfast was free, we ate sandwiches for lunch, and there was a frozen pizza waiting for us in the Pennsylvania house for dinner. Brett only had to fill the gas tank once a day – our car has been getting 40+ miles to the gallon so we’re well under budget for gas so far as well. We’ve paid for everything with cash and have over $71 already in change/$1/$5 – we were shocked to have accumulated so much already. I’m sure our spending will accelerate once we’re in Maine but so far we’re very pleased with how it’s going on the financial side.
Sitting down to dinner our first night. We didn’t eat until nearly 10:00 p.m. because it took that long for all of us to assemble (and four are still missing from the photo) and for me and the girls to get our act together in the kitchen. And yes, the table will seat all 16 of us!
Otherwise the whole family is here, there’s more than enough food, we’re having a grand time, and our daughter is getting married today! The good weather should hold for the wedding to be held outside, but continuing good weather for our time in Maine is not guaranteed. It’s supposed to rain all day tomorrow for our drive over, but may clear up afterwards. We’ll see.
Meiling and K’s wedding next month is actually the second of two ceremonies. They will be officially wed the week before in British Columbia, with K’s family and their friends in attendance, several coming all the way from Taiwan. However, Meiling knew that traveling to BC would be difficult if not impossible for many in her immediate family, so they decided to hold a second ceremony for all of us in Vermont a week later . . . and we will all be there! There will be 16 people total, including the photographer who will be staying at the farmhouse with us for the weekend.
As one of our gifts to Meiling and K, we offered to provide all the food for the wedding weekend in Vermont. I will be the chief cook, but WenYu and YaYu have offered to serve as my sous chefs. I know I will need their help, and I’m already very, very grateful for their offers.
Coming up with a menu took quite a bit of work. There was a request from Meiling to consider, three special diets to work around (vegan, gluten free, lactose free), and of course the getting-everything-cooked-in-time part as well. I will be walking into the AirBNB farmhouse kitchen with no idea of what’s available as far as cookware and serving dishes. The venue is regularly used for weddings though so I am assuming (for now) there will adequate supplies. The host has informed Meiling there will be a new barbecue grill in place – all of my fingers and toes are crossed that it will actually be there when we arrive because the two evening meals have a grilled component.
I’ve just started work on the shopping list, but need to talk with WenYu first as she has volunteered to bring some things up from Massachusetts, such as eggs and bread. My shopping on this end will begin two to three days before we depart so I still have a few weeks left to make sure all my T’s are crossed and I’s dotted. I’ve been asked why we’re not shopping in Vermont, but the farmhouse location is quite rural and not very close to any sort of large town, and there’s no guarantee I would find what I need once we were there.
Anyway, below is the menu I’ve come up with for the two breakfasts, one lunch, and two dinners while our family will be together in Vermont:
Friday evening appetizers: Trader Joe’s Parmesan pups, two cheeses along with crackers, some kind of nuts; grilled artichoke hearts; some kind of fresh vegetable (haven’t figured that out yet) wine; Italian sodas
Friday dinner: grilled lemon-basil chicken thighs, quinoa salad, green salad, blood orange cake, wine & soft drinks (the chicken was a specific request from Meiling – no substitutes allowed!)
Saturday breakfast: sausage gravy & biscuit breakfast casserole, pecan sticky bun French toast casserole, waffles, fruit salad, coffee, tea
Saturday afternoon: wedding cake & champagne (Meiling & K will supply the cake; we will be bringing the champagne)
Saturday wedding dinner: grilled petite filet mignon, roasted vegetable medley, artisan bread with butter (vegan butter provided), mixed berry Eton mess, wine, sparkling juice, coffee and tea
Sunday farewell breakfast: scrambled eggs, sausage, bacon, hash browns, orange juice (mimosas if there is leftover champagne), coffee & tea
When I see it written out it all seems very complicated, but I’ve tried to keep things as simple and easy to prepare as possible. The most difficult part will be getting the chicken into the marinade before we leave the Airbnb the morning of our final day’s drive to Vermont as it needs to marinate all day. Another difficulty will be making sure we have a cooler big enough for everything we’re bringing along with us, but I think the one we’ve zeroed in on will have more than enough space. I’ve found vegan substitutes for some items, avoided gluten as much as possible, and the only thing that would typically contain lactose, the Eton messes, can be made with a dairy free substitute for those who require it.
I am extremely grateful to be working for Trader Joe’s right now as almost 100% of the food we’re bringing can be purchased there, and my discount is going to save us quite a bit.
A few miscellaneous things too small for individual posts:
Grandkids: We spent quite a bit of extra time with C and K this month beyond our usual duties. M came down with Covid the second week of the month so we kept the kids with us as much as possible until she recovered. Getting them up, dressed, fed, and off to their respective schools in the morning was a challenge – we were definitely out of practice!! Their schedules don’t sync at all either so there was lots of driving for Brett. Both kids are somewhat picky eaters, so getting them fed was also a challenge at times but we managed. I have baked like crazy all month making cookies, brownies, muffins, and cakes for some of their snacks, and have vowed to be better prepared next month. For those who might wonder, we are generously reimbursed for gas, snacks, etc. every month even though we don’t ask for or expect it.
Eye surgery: My first surgery went very well, with a much faster and easier recovery than I expected. The almost-immediate improvement in the eye that was done was absolutely remarkable – I have 20/20 vision in that eye again. The other eye will be operated on tomorrow morning. I cannot wait to get all of this over and get new glasses (for close vision) but that won’t happen until the end of March, when both eyes have fully healed. In the meantime all I need now are inexpensive reading glasses.
Breadmaking: Count me in as the latest convert to no-knead Dutch oven bread. I made my first loaf at the beginning of the month and it was instant love for both of us. I’ve been making a loaf per week since (the grandkids love it too), and have tried the cinnamon raisin version which we enjoyed as well. The main challenge is not to eat too much after it comes out of the oven! I’m still kind of mad at myself for taking so long to try it because it’s so easy and makes such a delicious loaf of bread. We’re also very happy with the take & bake items we’ve gotten from Whole Foods: blueberry scones, cherry turnovers, and croissants. The cost per item is the same or less than already-baked goods, but this way we get the items fresh and warm from the oven, so we’re going to continue to keep them in rotation (we have a pastry around once a week for breakfast).
Reservations for Maine: I made our hotel reservations for four nights in mid-coast Maine following Meiling’s and KN’s wedding this summer. At first I thought it might be too early, but some places were already sold out for the dates we wanted! We’ve reserved a pet-friendly room in a well-reviewed place that provides a site-made free breakfast every morning, and the location will be perfect for exploring up and down the coast.
Weight update: I was weighed the morning of my eye surgery and was very happy to find my weight far less than expected. I honestly thought I had gained a lot since we’ve been here, but even being fully clothed with shoes on my weight was only a few pounds more (less than 10) than I weighed when we left Hawaii. I don’t get as much exercise here as I did there, so all things considered I’m calling it a win. I’m very motivated now to keep up the walking and the way we eat! Brett is in good shape as well – he’s the primary dog walker and regularly gets 10,000 – 15,000 steps a day.
Happy birthday, Kaipo! Our little pup turns one year old on Sunday. We are so happy and grateful to have this little guy; he’s everything we hoped for when we decided to add him to our lives. I can’t get over how much he’s changed since we got him last August – his breeder said he was pretty much as big as he was going to get, but he’s actually bigger and more filled out more than expected. He’s matured in other ways as well although he still loves to chew on things (thankfully not the furniture), and is a digger – he “digs” in his dog bed and “buries” his toys under the cushion. I felt bad for a while because we don’t have a yard for him, but can see now it would either be full of holes or he’d dig himself out under the fence. Meiling sent him a box of cute, fun birthday toys the other day and he had them all chewed up or damaged in less than 48 hours. I’ve repaired them as best as I can, but we knew when we first saw them they were doomed. We still love this little guy to pieces!
Taiko concert: Brett and I are attending the Kodo One Earth Tour concert on Monday evening in Nashville courtesy of M and the Japanese Consulate. If it’s like any other taiko event we’ve attended it will be a very exiting evening!
The taiko: a traditional Japanese drum with limitless rhythmic possibilities. Kodo’s mission is to explore these possibilities, and in the process forge new directions for a vibrant living art-form. Since 1981, Kodo has given over 6,500 performances in 52 countries on five continents. This figure includes 4,000 performances under the “One Earth” banner, a theme that embodies Kodo’s desire to transcend language and cultural boundaries, all while reminding their audiences of the common bonds we all share as human beings.
Time is flying by: just a few more days of this short month to go and then it’s on to March!
The day after tomorrow is going to be a Big Day, one we’ve been waiting on for months, and another one of those where our lives are going to change big time. After eight years without, we’re going to be dog owners again.
We are as ready as we can be to add the little puppy above into our lives. We have a crate, a bed, loads of puppy pads, a toothbrush, a comb, and bitter spray to (hopefully) protect the wood. His feeding dishes are set up. We have a collar along with a tag engraved with his name and our phone number, and a harness and leash. We have toys galore, courtesy of Meiling, and we have a vet lined up. The kennel has taken care of all his vaccinations, he has been neutered, and they have had him groomed. The only thing we don’t know is his preferred food, but the kennel will let us know what that is (and be sending some home with us to start him off).
Meiling sent Kai a wonderful assortment of toys – chew, dental, and just for fun – to start off his life with us. The long blue dog was our previous Shihpoo’s favorite, so she though Kai should have one too.
Our hearts are more than ready for this little guy, and we are as mentally ready as we can be. We’ve never raised a puppy before though so it will be an adjustment for all of us. Kai is very energetic, and our current space is small, so we know there’ll be some adjustment there. Also, after approximately six months at the kennel he is used to his routine and friends there, so it will take him a while to adjust to new routines with us as well.
We can’t wait to meet him! He is quite small and definitely favors his toy poodle dad versus his Shih Tzu mom (our last Shihpoo was the reverse). According to the kennel he is at or very near his full height now but will add a few pounds in the next few months. He will always be a small dog though, which is what we wanted this time for a variety of reasons. His caretaker at the kennel says he is an absolutely love and he will be missed.
Life is going to change for us, but once again it will be another adventure and a very good thing!
(P.S. Don’t forget you can leave an entry every day for the coffee giveaway!)
“UNTIL ONE IS COMMITTED, THERE IS HESITANCY, THE CHANCE TO DRAW BACK, ALWAYS INEFFECTIVENESS. CONCERNING ALL ACTS OF INITIATIVE (AND CREATION), THERE IS ONE ELEMENTARY TRUTH, THE IGNORANCE OF WHICH KILLS COUNTLESS IDEAS AND SPLENDID PLANS: THAT THE MOMENT ONE DEFINITELY COMMITS ONESELF, THEN PROVIDENCE MOVES TOO. ALL SORTS OF THINGS OCCUR TO HELP ONE THAT WOULD NEVER OTHERWISE HAVE OCCURRED. A WHOLE STREAM OF EVENTS ISSUES FROM THE DECISION, RAISING IN ONE’S FAVOUR ALL MANNER OF UNFORESEEN INCIDENTS AND MEETINGS AND MATERIAL ASSISTANCE, WHICH NO MAN COULD HAVE DREAMT WOULD HAVE COME HIS WAY. I HAVE LEARNED A DEEP RESPECT FOR ONE OF GOETHE’S COUPLETS: WHATEVER YOU CAN DO, OR DREAM YOU CAN, BEGIN IT. BOLDNESS HAS GENIUS, POWER, AND MAGIC IN IT!”
William Hutchinson Murray
(This is a repeat of a previously published post)
The best description I ever heard of the China adoption process was that putting the dossier together was like doing your taxes over and over and over and over and over and over . . . again and again and again and again . . . . At the beginning of each adoption journey, a slew of documents needed to be assembled upfront: a home study, birth certificates, marriage certificate, medical reports, police reports, financial statement, adoption statements, immigration forms, etc. – there were nearly 20 documents required in all. Each one of those documents had to be notarized in the state where they originated, then each notarized document went to the Secretary of State of that state for the notary to be certified. After that, the entire stack, by now a couple of inches high, was sent by courier to the U.S. State Department in Washington, D.C. for each document to be certified again, and finally the whole thing was again sent by courier to the Chinese Embassy for each document’s final certification and approval. Four copies had to be made of every page and certification for the entire dossier and only then could it finally be sent to China and put in line for us to be matched with a child.
The process took several months to complete, and along the way, there was always the possibility for China to tweak or change their requirements. For example, we were almost done with the dossier for Meiling’s adoption when China suddenly announced that physicals could no longer be more than six months old, and ours were seven months old at that point. Panic! But, our doctor squeezed us in, and every other part of the certification process worked flawlessly (for a change) and in just a few short weeks our dossier was finally complete and off to China in late May of 1996. Matches and referrals were taking only three or so months then, so our hopes were high that by the time we returned home in August from taking our son to college we would have news of a daughter.
However, when we returned home and called our agency the news was not good; in fact, it was very bad. China had shut down adoptions for families that already had children, which of course included us. Our agency was moving families into other adoption programs, but China had been the only program that would accept us because of our ages (we were each over 40 years old). What had happened, we later learned, was a power struggle over the international adoption program had broken out between two different political bureaus in China, and adoptions had ground to a halt while they fought it out and reorganized. (We also learned our agency was convinced at the time that the entire program was going to collapse.)
All of our hopes and love, and quite a bit of money, had gone into the adoption process for more than a year, including all of the work of assembling our dossier. I was in graduate school at the time, and my work began to suffer because I could barely concentrate. Brett unhappily slogged off to work each day as well. Our son was at college in another state, so it was just the two of us at home each evening, and we were glum, depressed, and unsure of what to do or how to proceed.
On one particularly bad day, one of my professors emailed me the quote above, and told me to “hang in there.” I shared it with Brett that evening, and we talked about how deeply committed we still were to adopting from China and had been from the start. All sorts of unexpected and serendipitous events had happened and helped us along the way to make our adoption dream come together so far, and we decided that rather than pull out we would stay with it to the end and see what happened, no matter the outcome. We both felt in our hearts that our daughter was waiting for us there.
The William Murray quote was a turning point for us. And, it has proven prescient ever since. When we have committed to something, whether it was adding an additional child to our family again through adoption, getting ourselves out of debt, moving to Hawai’i, or planning a trip – when we have committed ourselves, as the quote says, Providence has always moved too. Things we couldn’t have imagined have happened to help make our plans a reality, and we were given the drive, vision, and persistence to see our dreams come true and our goals reached.
Commitment has been the step where we’ve gone from “do you think?” or “should we?” to “let’s do this” and then started figuring out how to accomplish it. The path to success has not always been straight or smooth or easy, but time and experience have shown that the unexpected does and will occur along the way to help, especially when we need it most. As each journey continues we begin to see things in different ways and act on them accordingly, with our commitment to finishing growing stronger the further along we get.
As the new year began in 1997 we were still waiting, but Brett and I had reached the depths of despair. There had been no positive word from our agency for weeks, and we felt like we were hanging on to hope by our fingernails. We had enjoyed having our son home for Christmas, but he returned to school on January 9. So, when the phone rang on the morning of January 10 I assumed it was him asking about something he had forgotten and wanted us to send. I had been lying on our sofa, crying and asking God for some kind of a sign, that if there was to be no adoption to let us know somehow and we would let it go, but if there was hope then we would continue to hang on. When I answered the phone that morning it was not our son but our social worker: “Laura, there’s a baby girl waiting for you in China,” and on March 12, 1997, in the hallway of a hotel in China, we met our little Meiling for the first time and she was ours.
This was the only picture we received of Meiling before we met her.
Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it!
The Occasional Nomads 