Should we keep traveling or should we settle down? That’s the BIG question for the Occasional Nomads that we have been and are STILL discussing.
Both options have their advantages and disadvantages, which is why it’s become a neverending topic of conversation for Brett and me. How do we see our future unfolding? That changes frequently, sometimes from day to day. Have we had enough of all this moving around? Some days yes, some days no. Should we settle down? It sounds good for a while, then it doesn’t, then it does again, and so forth. Won’t we get restless if we stop?
It’s wonderful to have options and talk about them but at the same time, it’s beginning to get a bit confusing and even boring at times too. Thankfully it’s not something we ever argue about – we share similar concerns. However, we’ve been going back and forth about this for months now and have reached a point where we need to decide the direction this journey is going to take going forward and then get on with it.
The primary benefit of continuing our nomadic lifestyle is that our income can be devoted almost entirely to doing something we love: travel. We’re not paying for utilities, insurance, and home maintenance, and so forth – we pay for an Airbnb rental and all those other things are included. We also don’t have the expense of owning a car and all that goes along with that, or other expenses that come with staying in one place. We’re blessed with excellent medical insurance that covers us worldwide at no cost. By carefully selecting our rentals we’ve been able to enjoy a quality lifestyle and experience locations and life around the world that would have been difficult to impossible for us to do otherwise.
At the same time, our fund for transportation expenses is diminishing and we’re not able to replenish it now that we’re committed to contributing a not-insignificant amount each month to help YaYu with her college costs. Since we’ve also decided to upgrade our seats for longer flights, we’re eventually going to have to dip into other savings if we want to continue traveling before we’re able to start building it up again.
We’ve discovered along the way though that we don’t like staying in a place too long and begin feeling restless after a couple of months. This is the biggest concern and fear we have about settling down somewhere. One – to two-month stays seem to be the ideal for us, with three months in one place too long (except for Japan because of family there). On the other hand, we dislike short stays because of having to pack and move everything after a few days, and the go-go-go of it wears us out. Being Occasional Nomads versus Short-Term or Long-Term has turned out to be a very good fit for us.
Brett is more enthusiastic about settling down than I am, but we both like the idea of getting our mail sent directly to us, having a regular family doctor and dentist, getting our prescriptions renewed easily, and having a place with our own things where the family can gather. We like the idea of learning to live frugally in one place, from getting haircuts to buying groceries. However, when we think about possibly owning a car again or paying utilities or having a mortgage or keeping up with home maintenance, those sort of things immediately take the shine off of the idea. Having to acquire furniture and other household items once again leaves us cold. Weather, particularly cold weather, has become an issue for both of us as well and limits where we could or would want to settle. We’re not even sure at this point if we want to live in the U.S. anymore.
I’ve always been someone who likes to know what’s happening and see the path going forward. I like to have a plan. When Brett was in the navy and it was getting close to the time for a transfer, I would become an absolute nervous wreck as he waited for orders, wondering where the navy was going to send us next. The not knowing was hard for me because until we had those orders there was no way to plan anything or get ready to move again – we were in limbo. We have plans now for the next seven months, but if we’ve learned nothing else it’s that the time goes by very quickly these days and before we know it that those seven months are going to be over. It’s starting to feel now like it did when we were waiting for orders.
We still have a bit of time on our side, but by early next year a decision is going to have to be made, one we can commit to and make plans for. Our hope is that a compromise solution can be found, one that satisfies our love of travel but also gives us a chance to settle for a while. That, however, may be an impossible dream. We will be talking with our children in the next couple of months to get their feedback, ideas, and concerns, and will work toward figuring out the “big picture” of what our future could, would and maybe should be.
What to do, what to do?
The Occasional Nomads 
Seems like we are always planning something – doesn’t it. I guess this is a luxury. I’m sure what ever decision is made will be the right decision – give yourself a break from the thought of making the decision – because it’s really already made – just like with the military orders (we really have little control if any). Sit back and watch as God sets the stage for your next move. As frustrating and as nerve wracking as it may be. I’ll be watching to see where He takes you. Suz
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I too believe things will work out the way they’re supposed to, that we just need to wait and see how it all unfolds. We got through every one of those waits before orders, and the long wait for each of our daughters, and all three were a perfect fit for us and our family. Thanks for this – the answer and the plan will eventually reveal itself!
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It’s the waiting that’s hard – but He always gets it right.
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This is so true! We learned to wait well when we were waiting on the referrals for our daughters, and each time we were matched perfectly.
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What you said in your last paragraph (“Our hope is that a compromise solution can be found, one that satisfies our love of travel but also gives us a chance to settle for a while.”) made me think of something. I don’t know much about Airbnb so sorry if this is a silly question, but is it possible to rent one long term (a year or more)? I was thinking since you are uncertain about settling down and don’t want to pay rent, utilities, buy furniture, etc. maybe you could come back to the US, rent an Airbnb in whatever location you choose and that will give you a chance to rest, regroup, save up some money and then you can decide if you want to continue traveling or settle down. You could stay in an area with good public transportation so you wouldn’t need a car. I guess you could also do this overseas, but that would depend on how long you would be permitted to stay in one country.
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This is the compromise we are leaning toward, but then the question becomes WHERE? There are places we won’t consider, and locations where the climate would agree with us or where we could get by without a car (like Portland) are way too expensive; we wouldn’t be able to save anything. Moving overseas could be more affordable except for those times when we want to get the family together. And the visa process is difficult with no guarantees one would even be granted. And our language skills are minimal as well.
I’m sure the answer will come, but it hasn’t revealed itself yet.
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For what it’s worth, my opinion is you should keep traveling until YaYu graduates college and settles somewhere. Right now, all three of the girls are on the East coast, but who knows at this point if they’ll stay there and once YaYu graduates, you’ll have a better idea. Until then, you may as well travel while you can because once grandchildren come, you might get caught up in that (as many grandparents do!) and be babysitting or helping out in some way.
I have a friend who retired from the Navy in 2012 and settled in San Antonio. He loves it there and says it’s very military friendly and the cost of living is low. They don’t get any snow. I’ve never been there but thought I’d throw that idea out there as a potential spot to look into if you do decide to stop traveling.
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This is a very good point, JJ. YaYu is the second of our children who will probably work and reside outside of the U.S. (because of her langugage skills). And, even though WenYu and Meiling are settling in back east they may not be there permanently either – they’re just starting out, and things can change.
I don’t think Texas is for us – it’s too hot, sort of like southern Arizona would be – although we’ve heard the hill country and Austin area is very nice. We considered Texas (briefly) before we went to Hawai’i, but there were too many strikes against it compared to other places. It’s too car-centric, too.
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JJ’s idea above is actually pretty brilliant. Could you pick the area you think you’d like to settle, but do so initially via Airbb vs. renting? You’d need to remain packed light, but you could still establish a home base in between travels. That gives you time to settle in and begin building connections, but also take off when you wish because you would still be untethered.
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Location is the currently the great stumbling block, whether it’s to rent initially or buy and permanently settle. Unless we go through Airbnb or such, we’d still have to invest in furniture, may or may not need a car, etc. and I don’t think we’re ready for that yet. But an idea like yours or JJs is a good compromise and one we will be discussing. It has a lot of advantages and not a whole lot of negatives.
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A riff on JJ’s idea would be to rent an AirBnB for a couple of months in a place you’re thinking of settling down and then travel some more. I like your idea of moving every couple of months. You could hopscotch around the world – with a three month stay in Japan of course. Or a couple of two month stays there every year? You are so lucky to have a similar minded partner in Brett. I’m hoping to find one one of these days! And I have to restrain myself from adopting any more animals so that I don’t feel so guilty being gone longer. Typically I’d be looking for a new little terrier by now with Maria gone, but I’m holding at two, along with two aging cats. I will make up for it someday by adopting senior pets when I’m settled down for good!
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Two months in one location would be our ideal, but the problem is quickly becoming having to dip into savings we don’t want to touch in order to pay for the transportation in between. If we could stay in Europe for longer than 90 days at a stretch we’d definitely do this because travel between countries by train and bus is easy and affordable. But as it is now we would be faced with expensive travel costs in between locations.
I envy your travels and the locations you’ve been and always look forward to hearing about upcoming destinations. Also, you travel with such a great group – I love hearing about what you all do when you go somewhere.
Hopefully our travels are going to cross one of these days so we can get together again – it’s been too long!!
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I can’t believe it’s been a year and a half already! I just signed up for my next big international trip – Turkey next September!
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I’d be torn too. I like the idea of being free from the restrictions that property ownership causes (maintaining and storing furniture as well as maintaining the house – all the costs that homes consume!!!!!) but I also like to have the security that home ownership gives. And I like getting known and getting to know people in my local community. And I like pottering around in my own garden.
There’s a freedom in being in one place – being known and knowing those around you, and knowing the local frugal and green spots. Free not to have to make the daily little decisions. It’s free in a way those who are always nomadic don’t get.
I don’t get to have these discussion with Mr S. He will not give up property and car ownership. No matter what.
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You’re right that being in one place does come with its own form of freedom. It’s one of the reasons we like the longer stays in one place versus moving around more frequently. People start to recognize us and we don’t feel like we have to be going out and doing something/sightseeing every day.
Brett and I felt though like we had a huge weight removed when we sold our house in 2014. We liked our house, our neighborhood, and it was a great place to raise our kids, but we hated being home owners and felt trapped.
We know being nomads isn’t something we can do forever, but for now it fits. However, is it more sensible to settle down now or keep going for a while – that’s the issue and it’s maddening not being able to make a decision.
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We dont travel much, but I do. We have discussed what I would do if something happened to him.
Buy a very small condo with larger places nearby that I can air bnb for the kids when they come to town. I could even air bnb out the condo while i am gone. There is the tricky part. Some of the better communities are putting in regs that you cannot air bnb.
Anyway, i plan on traveling six months a year -a month at a time. I love some of the cities you aren’t as fond of (Rome, London), but would rent a place in our first military hometown-Wudrzburg Germany. SEAsia is much cheaper though.
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I think if it was just me I’d buy a small condo and do like you do, travel a few times a year. But for now, Brett and I make a good travel team and likes what we’re doing (well, everything except for travel days – we both hate that part of it). We’ve talked about buying and renting out a room, or the whole place while we’re gone, but then again it turns into a question of where and we’re having as much trouble with that question than we are with whether to settle down or keep going.
Rome is growing on us the longer we’re away, and we both agree we’d like to return to London but stay for two or three weeks. I wish we could stay in Tokyo but that’s not going to happen (unless Brett gets that visa). SE Asia is on our list of areas to go. We want to visit Vietnam, Cambodia, Indonesia, Thailand, and Malaysia.
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I love to travel, but I also love my own space. But I definitely see the attraction of not being tied down by home ownership and a car, etc. Choices, choices. I’m also starting to really realize I don’t have forever, and our health will only hold out so long. My mom is long past wanting to travel, and I’m sure I’ll get there, too.
We’re planning to downsize next year, and that whole process is stressing me out, because like you I want to have a plan. We have a plan, but many parts are in motion, so travel plans are on hold short term. Also, our dog is getting old, and we plan to travel more once he goes. Besides the price of the kennel, we don’t like to leave him too long. Changes are coming. 🙂
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We owned a home for 20+ years – we got to it late because of moving every 2.5 years while Brett was in the navy. We never really liked it all that much, more like got used to it but hated dealing with all the maintenance, etc. (and we did well when it came time to sell our two houses). It actually has more appeal to us now that we’re older, but then again we’re not really exited about having to deal with maintenance, yardwork, etc. We’ve thought about getting a condo (no yardwork or exterior maintenance) but there are downsides to that as well.
The biggest factor (that isn’t a factor yet) will be our health, and if and when the girls settle down. Their having children is still a ways off, but more grandchildren would definitely become a factor.
Like your mom, I know well get to a point where we don’t want to travel any more, but we’re not there yet. The nomadic life suits our restless natures for the time being, but we also wonder if it’s wiser to get a head start on settling down.
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Home swaps? If you bought a small condo, perhaps you could home swap it a couple of times a year. Then you wouldn’t have to pay for an AirBnB and would have a home base part of the year but still some flex to travel and stay in places for a month or two at a time.
I’ve never tried it but it seems to work for a couple of families on our town.
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We have thought about this a lot, and have done a bit of reading about it as well because we think this is what we might do if we end up buying a home or condo. We would only do direct swaps – we stay in the home of the people who are staying in ours because from what we’ve read this causes the least amount of worry and potential damage.
The biggest issue with Airbnb is that it can be expensive – you really do get what you pay for. Depending on the location, if we want to stay in a nice place it’s going to cost us.
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We did the travel the world and not have a home base for 20 months and it was exhausting. We are in the position 7 years later of repeating the experience, however we believe the key to success is having a small permanent home base somewhere and do multiple smaller trips rather than one long extended trip. Having your own place takes care of many things – not having to involve others with mail etc, shorter trips enables you to travel with less “stuff”. The feeling of coming home from a long trip and opening your front door knowing you have a good quality bed to sleep in and clean clothes in the closet is priceless.
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Where did you decide to buy? Where you started from, or someplace new? Mail is an issue for Brett – he wishes there was a better way to keep up with it -but his sister has done a good job for us and we don’t get much mail anyway these days. It helps that we get back to the U.S. at least once if not twice a year and can take care of business and catch up when we’re there.
Beds are always the big unknown for us, but so far we’ve only had two that have been less than ideal. Most Airbnb hosts seems to get that offering a good bed is key. When I think about buying our own bed again I feel like we’d have as much trouble these days trying to choose a mattress as we doing trying to decide whether to keep going or stay in one place.
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Laura, Probably you are the last person I need to tell how complicated these decisions are. We have been nomads for a long time. Lived in 7 different countries and moved house 15 times in the past 25 years which has not only been tiring but has left us without any single area we feel tied to.
We are still tossing up our options. We were keen on Germany but I’m not convinced I have the energy to put into learning a new language at this time. The other issue is money. There is not a magic pot of millions, so what we do have we want to spend wisely. The added complication is we are not old enough for Medicare so how to control medical costs. Our cobra renewal for 2020 is $1705 for two of us and paying that amount for another 10 years is beyond ridiculous. We currently live in San Diego, but buying here in a location we like, ie somewhat near to the coast is prohibitive, add in the sky high property taxes, hoa and medical and it’s not going to happen. We are considering Honolulu, which is cheaper for property, but has silly HOA but good property taxes but still the medical issue. Other alternatives for us are to return to Australia or UK where we have right to abode so no chasing residency permits and access to socialised medicine.
Other thing for me is I want to be living in a busy urban area. Whilst I would love to have a garden and a dog, it’s not realistic for a traveller. I like to be able to walk to get my groceries or pop nearby for a coffee or a bite to eat. Like you, my days of desiring to be owned by a car are long gone.
So many factors to consider. We have put it in the too hard basket to be revisited in the new year.
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LOL – I didn’t realize until I read your comment that we needed Too Hard Basket as well. I see a few other things coming up, besides this decision, that will be going into it.
The language issue you mention is a big one, and probably one the biggest reason we are not applying for a long-term visa to live in Strasbourgh, as much as we would love to live there. I’ve given up with Japanese, too. The only language I think I could pick up again these days is Spanish, but even then communication would be minimal.
But that’s the whole issue when it comes to making to decision, isn’t it. There are SO MANY factors to consider as we age. Some many not be as important as others but they all play a role and have to be considered and weighed, whether it’s children, money, health, language, etc. We are free in a sense, but decisions affecting the direction we go can be exhausting.
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It is definitely a big decision especially since there doesn’t seem to be a clear answer. There are pros and cons for each option. You alluded to settling down in a place that is not in the US. I’m guessing you could find a city with a low cost of living which might make it financially possible to continue to explore/sightsee while you are there.
I’ve always thought it would be great to get an RV and travel around the US. There is so much that I want to see and it seems like a fun way to explore the country. Obviously, there are lots of costs upfront for an RV along with insurance but I’m not sure how that compares to rent/hotels/airB&B.
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We have talked about buying an RV and driving around the U.S. and Canada for a while, but Brett isn’t all that keen about driving (either a motorhome or a pull vehicle) or buying the equipment. And, I have to admit we like being out of the U.S. right now and watch things unfold from a distance. Much closer and I think we’d go mad.
There is no clear answer for us now, but the right one will present itself eventually. I think we just need to be patient, keep the lines of communication open, and recognize the right opportunity when it arises.
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Like you,I am seriously thinking about a small condo, public transportation, medical facilities, and, of course, family. I totally understand how difficult a decision it is for you. You like warm, but dry weather, not too much cold, want a safe, reasonably priced area, and convenient to kids/grandkids, if I have understood you correctly. I was thinking northern Arizona, in the mountains, if they have public transportation and good hospital care, or maybe St George, Utah, but that may be too hot for you. I know you hate humidity, so I sort of thought Southeast Asia was out, as well as Florida and the Carolinas. California seems expensive but maybe there are cheaper areas there I don’t know about where you would be happy. Heck, I cannot help myself decide, much less anyone else… lol. It I didn’t have kids I have always threatened to go to Quartzite, Arizona and do the Burning Man gathering thing for baby boomers, in January. I always thought that would be cheap and fun!
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We have looked seriously at northern Arizona, but it’s almost too dry and the winters are quite cold. And no good public transportation. Parts of California are appealing as well, but either massively expensive or in a potential fire area (and we’d need a car there too). A god friend and his wife recently moved to New Mexico and like it, so that may be a possibility but overall it’s similar to Arizona climate-wise. So, the search continues. Most of back East is out because of the summer humidity and the winters, but it apoears the girls will be settling in the East so we may end up there anyway especially if and when they marry and grandchildren arrive. But, in the meantime we’ll keep looking.
The And, we only want to visit SE Asia, not live there, although it is inexpensive.
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This decision is a hard and important one and it will take time.It’s going to be a process, so brace yourselves for that.I can only share my experience with you but I am a believer that we all can learn from other people experiences.
My husband and I have been going through a similar phase.As a matter of fact, last Thanksgiving we were in Europe, nearing the end of our almost 2 years stay – we lived in Bucharest, Romania and loved it there. However, once we returned to US at the end of March, we started to look at options that would offer us a similar lifestyle : warm weather,public transportation(no car needed), reasonable cost of living, good quality healthcare and easy access to a major airport to still be able to travel- we want them all, don’t we?
We currently live in Sacramento CA area where we own a small home with a very small yard which has enabled us to leave for several months at a time without a problem. But we are car dependent. If you are interested about other details of my search, please send me a private email and I will be more than happy to share my findings with you. We don’t know where we’ll end up eventually, but we let the process running its course and we’ll see.
Meanwhile, try to enjoy the rest of your stay in England and visit as much as you possibly can. There is only that much that one can do.
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Believe it or not, the area we are considering in Callifornia is near Sacramento! The fires though have scared us and we want to think about it a bit more for a while before making a final decision about whether to settle there or not.
I am looking forward to hearing our girl’s thoughts while we’re together over the holidays, and our son’s when we get to Japan in January. Those will help (or not).
I honestly did not think this would be so hard at this point – I thought by now we’d have a clear direction on where to go and what to do, but that’s not how it’s turned out. It’s a BIG decision again for us, and we want to make the right one.
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Glad to hear you have your eyes on (or around) Sacramento, it is a comfortable place to live! Our area hasn’t been (yet) affected by the fires and we actually live in an SMUD electricity serviced area, we have PG&E only as natural gas provider, so we haven’t been affected by the black-outs either. SMUD seems to do a much better job at keeping up with maintenance and all.
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I will now have to check if where we are thinking about is serviced by SMUD or PG&E. The fires are the biggest factor we have to consider in making a decision though. They were not in the area we’re looking at, but they weren’t that far away either.
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Let me know if you need more guidance as we have lived in this area for decades and we know it pretty well. You may want to try it out for a couple of months, get a feeling for the land.
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Thank you! (Now tucking it away for future reference).
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Have you thought about Davis Ca? It does get very hot in the summer but has a vibrant downtown, an active community, and of course the University. Very appealing and some really nice downtown townhome developments, lots of cultural events, terrific farmers markets, good variety of restaurants, coffee shops. One of our daughters lives there and teaches at the thriving Walcott school.
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I’m sorry to be late with a reply . . . we did look at Davis, but it’s sort of out of our price range, at least in town. We like the area though!
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We downsized to a condo in Pasadena four years ago. I still do some consulting, about 500 hours per year, so I do drive, but we are two blocks from light rail and across the street from the grocery store so we can easily go without a car and do for many days in a row. I had some work yesterday in downtown LA yesterday. Door to door on light rail plus walking about 45 minutes
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Settling in Pasadena would be coming full circle for me as I was born there and grew up in San Marino! I can still read street names in the area and know exactly where they are! Southern California still holds a lot of appeal for me.
Pasadena is a bit out of our price range these days, but I like the idea of having light rail, etc. near by, and all that an urban area offers. We did well this past summer in Portland using public transportation and either renting a car or using a car-share service once in a while if we wanted to get out of town or had a big errand to run (i.e. Costco).
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For several months now I’ve been playing around with where I would go if I was a nomad. The spreadsheet I’ve been working on has me spending 60-90 days in the Schengen zone, than 60-90 days in UK with some Croatia also thrown in. This way no visas are required and the travel costs between places aren’t outrageous. Cheap flights seem to be available from London to almost everyplace in Europe.
I also found a website called Goats on the Road and they detail how they had free housing pet sitting for people – longer stints. They give a couple of websites as resources. I’m wondering if you did something like this if the money you would have spent on housing could be used to bulk up your travel account while still getting to explore different areas of the world.
Have you considered monetizing this website to add to the travel coffers?
And my final thought is that you have a window of opportunity to have this lifestyle while no family members need you and your health supports it. .
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Your spreadsheet itinerary looks a lot like our potential one! We did the cheap flights on Ryan, etc. and they were fine (as long as your baggage isn’t overweight).
House-sitting/pet-sitting are options we’ve talked about, but it hasn’t gone further. And, I’ve been thinking more about whether to monotize the blog, although I still don’t think it would bring in a whole lot (plus it’s income that could potentially affect YaYu’s financial aid standing).
You are correct about this being our window of opportunity to be nomads. The girls are starting out and are doing well, and our health is good, so this is the time for us to travel and have these experiences while we can. I’m sure it will all come together one of these days, but it’s the not knowing right now that’s driving me nuts!
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What about the Carolinas? Closer to your east coast kid, still warmer, water, decent health care and cheaper than the west coast? NC seems military friendly? I envy your nomadic life, but at some point maybe you’ll decide you want doctors and neighbors who know you and a place for grand babies to have consistent visit memories?? Such a personal decision but renting would make it a less final decision and furniture always can be cheaply obtained at ikea or used until you settle more deeply?? Good luck!
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The Carolinas have been recommended several times. Brett’s parents originally came from western North Carolina although I don’t think anyone from either family is left there now. I have family in the Raleigh-Durham area. We’ve visited the coastal areas of both states and liked it, but I’m still not sure that’s where we want to live – it’s still too humid for me, and it does get hit by hurricanes.
It’s always something though – fires in California, rain in Oregon and Washington, humidity and hurricanes back east. No place is going to be perfect; we just have to decide what we can live with, and what works best for the rest of the family.
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